The Way I Used to Be by Amber Smith

The Way I Used to Be by Amber Smith is an emotional young adult novel about trauma, silence, friendship, first love, anger, healing, and survival.

The story follows Eden.

She begins high school as a girl who knows who she is.

Then one night changes everything.

About The Way I Used to Be

The Way I Used to Be follows Eden through all four years of high school.

After being sexually assaulted by her brother’s best friend, she struggles to tell anyone what happened.

Instead, she keeps the experience buried.

But silence does not make the pain disappear.

It changes the way she sees herself.

It changes her friendships.

It changes her relationships.

And it changes the person she thought she was.

7 Powerful Reasons to Read The Way I Used to Be

1. Eden Feels Real

Eden is not presented as a perfect survivor.

She becomes angry.

Confused.

Distant.

Sometimes reckless.

Her reactions are complicated because trauma is complicated.

That honesty makes her story powerful.

2. The Story Shows Long-Term Trauma

The novel does not focus only on the immediate aftermath of assault.

It follows Eden over several years.

Readers see how trauma can affect school, relationships, trust, identity, and self-worth.

This gives the story emotional depth.

3. Friendship Changes Matter

Eden’s friendships shift as she changes.

People misunderstand her.

Some relationships become distant.

Others are damaged.

The story shows how trauma can affect not only one person but also the connections around them.

4. First Love Becomes Complicated

Romance is part of Eden’s journey.

But love does not automatically fix everything.

She struggles with trust.

Closeness feels difficult.

Sometimes she pushes people away.

The novel treats these moments with emotional realism.

5. Silence Becomes a Major Theme

Eden knows she should tell someone.

But she cannot.

Fear and shame keep her quiet.

That silence becomes heavier as time passes.

The novel shows how difficult speaking out can feel, even when a survivor knows they need help.

6. Healing Is Not Simple

Healing does not happen in a straight line.

Eden improves.

Then struggles again.

She makes mistakes.

She learns.

She changes.

This makes her journey feel honest rather than unrealistic.

7. The Ending Offers Hope

The book is emotionally difficult.

But it is not without hope.

Eden gradually begins to recognize her own strength.

The story becomes less about the person she used to be.

It becomes about who she can still become.

Eden’s Freshman Year

At the beginning, Eden is entering high school.

She is still trying to understand herself.

Then the assault changes everything.

She does not know how to process what happened.

So she tries to act as though nothing has changed.

But internally, everything has.

Eden’s Sophomore Year

As time passes, Eden becomes more distant.

Her choices begin changing.

Relationships become harder.

Anger begins replacing some of the fear.

But the pain remains.

Eden’s Junior Year

By junior year, Eden has spent a long time carrying the trauma alone.

That isolation affects the way she sees herself.

She may appear stronger from the outside.

But internally, she is still struggling.

This contrast is one of the strongest parts of the novel.

Eden’s Senior Year

Senior year brings her closer to adulthood.

It also forces her to confront parts of the past she has avoided.

The story begins moving toward truth.

And toward the possibility of healing.

Trauma and Identity

One of the central ideas in The Way I Used to Be is identity.

Who was Eden before?

Who is she now?

Who does she want to become?

Trauma changes the way she sees herself.

But the book also shows that trauma does not have to define her entire future.

Shame and Silence

Shame plays a major role in Eden’s story.

She knows the assault was not something she wanted.

Yet she still feels trapped by guilt and fear.

This is one reason she struggles to speak.

The novel shows how silence can grow stronger when shame is left unchallenged.

Anger

Eden’s anger becomes part of her survival.

Sometimes she directs it at other people.

Sometimes at herself.

Sometimes she does not know where to place it.

This makes her reactions difficult but believable.

The book does not expect Eden to respond perfectly.

Relationships After Trauma

Relationships become complicated.

Trust becomes harder.

Physical closeness can become confusing.

Eden may want connection while also being afraid of it.

The novel explores this conflict carefully.

The Four-Part Structure

The book is divided into four sections.

Freshman year.

Sophomore year.

Junior year.

Senior year.

This structure lets readers watch Eden change over time.

It also shows how the effects of trauma can continue long after the original event.

The Way I Used to Be Series

The story continues beyond the first book.

The series includes:

1. The Way I Used to Be
2. The Way I Am Now
3. The Way We Become

Amber Smith’s official site confirms The Way I Used to Be as the first title, followed by The Way I Am Now and The Way We Become.

The Way I Am Now

The second book follows Eden into college.

Her journey toward healing continues.

Relationships become more important.

So does learning what healthy love can look like.

The Way We Become

The third book expands the story further.

It follows Eden, Amanda, and Gen as they navigate adulthood, relationships, and different paths toward healing.

This makes the full series less about one moment.

It becomes a longer story about recovery and identity.

Who Should Read This Book?

The Way I Used to Be is ideal for readers who enjoy emotional young adult fiction, realistic contemporary stories, coming-of-age novels, and books about healing.

Readers who enjoyed Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson may find similar themes here.

The book may also appeal to readers who prefer character-driven stories over plot-heavy fiction.

Important Content Note

This novel includes serious and potentially triggering material.

Themes include sexual assault, trauma, shame, emotional distress, difficult relationships, and self-destructive behavior.

Readers sensitive to these topics may want to review detailed content warnings before reading.

About Amber Smith

Amber Smith is a New York Times and international bestselling author of young adult fiction.

Her books include The Way I Used to Be, The Way I Am Now, The Last to Let Go, Something Like Gravity, and Fade Into You.

Her official biography describes her as an advocate for increased awareness of mental health, gendered violence, and LGBTQIA+ equality.

Readers can learn more through the official Amber Smith page for The Way I Used to Be.

Product Details

Title: The Way I Used to Be

Author: Amber Smith

Series: The Way I Used to Be

Series Number: 1

Genre: Young Adult / Contemporary Fiction / Coming-of-Age

Language: English

Common Trade Paperback Edition

Publisher: Margaret K. McElderry Books

ISBN-13: 9781481449366

Format: Trade Paperback

Pages: 400

Publication Date: March 7, 2017

Recommended Age: 14+

Simon & Schuster confirms these specifications for the trade paperback edition.

Collector’s Edition

A newer Collector’s Edition was published in 2025.

ISBN-13: 9798347101443

Pages: 416

This edition includes special design features and bonus content.

Always check the barcode on your physical copy before entering final WooCommerce specifications.

Explore More Young Adult Books

The Way I Used to Be is difficult, emotional, and honest.

It follows one girl through years of silence.

Readers see anger.

Fear.

Broken relationships.

And gradual healing.

The story does not pretend recovery is easy.

Instead, it shows that survival can be complicated.

Readers can explore more Children & Young Adult Books at Bargain Books.

You can also explore Fiction & Literature Books at Bargain Books.

For readers who appreciate emotional coming-of-age stories about trauma, healing, courage, and finding your voice, The Way I Used to Be is a powerful and moving read.